I have an addiction...

I am an addict and my drug is sugar. If you are reading this PLEASE pray for me and if you can help or encourage me in any way I could use it! Here's why:

After all the holistic regimen's I have tried these past couple of years there was really only one that made a significant difference but after a while I fell off track and I failed at it. I fail over and over again- this is why I need help. I didn't even want to acknowledge it or admit it to anyone at first because I don't want someone telling me not to eat something I shouldn't be when I'm around them.

When Dr. Steve Nelson told me I had a yeast overgrowth aka Candida, I wasn't sure if he was right. But I began asking everyone around me to see their tongue. Weird- I know. But one huge indicator that you may have yeast overgrowth is a white tongue and you suffer from fatigue and much more. When I began his diet of strictly brown rice, veggies and chicken I began feeling better. But once you feel a little better you think I can handle one small bite of this or that. In my case this leads to a binge and I'm back to square one.

As I began studying candida and it causes and effects. I started realizing just how long I have been contributing to this and ultimately the road that lead me to develop 3 auto immune disease with a great deal of suffering from physical pain.Our bodies were never made to be fueled by sugar, however that's exactly what I have always used. I remember before basketball games in high school I would crave a snickers or peanut butter and jelly sandwich. After games I would load up on more crap like pizza and Gatorade. Our bodies were made to be fueled by fat not sugar!

When I try to eliminate sugar completely, its SO HARD for me. I am not only fighting myself but I am fighting this monster inside of me that has been growing for years and destroying my gut and intestines. He has invaded my body and now food particles, toxins and bacteria get into my blood. (leaky gut)

When you begin starving the yeast that has been in complete control for years it gets angry. It gives me all sorts of problems. It's like the monster is throwing a fit and doing everything possible to try and get you to give him the sugar he wants. I break out in rashes- that are MISERABLE. It's like my skin is raw and it burns so badly to wash my hands, put lotion on, etc. I also get terrible stomach pains and digestive issues. I began having more arthritis pain- where it leaves me debilatated. I get nauseous and dizzy. This is considered the " die-off" affects. I can never get through it. ( this is why I need prayer so I can)

If I eat sugar or anything with yeast these symptoms almost immediately go away or subside. I want to be a functional wife and mom so I give into the cravings. I have never gone totally crazy. Giving in= having an apple, or dark chocolate chips with walnuts. But this leads to me wanting more and more. Even as I type this I can't get red licorice out of my mind. ( I can't even tell you the last time I had one, but yet I still crave it.)

Today, at church my pastor talked about pain and how good people suffer from pain. Just last night before bed I was telling my husband how I have felt God's hand in on almost everything in our life but I feel somewhat neglected when it comes to my illness. I have prayed and prayed for healing and God has not granted that to me. I don't know why. I lost it today I had to leave and go to the restroom because I couldn't fight back the flood of tears. There are very few people who know pain like I know pain. I wonder why I have to go through this and what breaks my heart the most is what my daughter and husband have to go through as a result. 

So I here I am again today. I am going to try again. This is day 1 again ( for the countless time). I made it through the day with no sugar. I made chicken patties that were delicious so I wanted to share the recipe.  I will post it below. But there are many days where I am too sick to prep or prepare food or even get myself to the kitchen. These days are when its so easy for me to fail. I also have thoughts like, " I am suffering so much already, it ok, it will make me feel better"--(Which it does emotionally)"It's not fair that everyone can eat what they want without hurting." "I don't want to faint or pass out and I need to just throw something in my mouth." 

See, I weigh 107 and I have anemia. So I need nutrionients/food/protein. When I attempt to starve the monster my appetite grows. The easiest way to feel better and have die-off affects subside is to eat something simple and with sugar. I need non-sugar homemade granola bars on hand, which I am going to attempt to make with a friend this week. I don't know how I am going to have the energy and strength to have on hand the prepared foods I need to eat. But that is why I am going to ask people for help and hope they can help me. I am asking you for prayers that I will have the endurance and will power to get through this and not give into the monster. 

Thank you for reading! Here's the recipe. Next time I want to add salt and jalapenos. :)

Makes 2 servings

• 1 lb. chicken breast fillets
• 1 cup zucchini, chopped
• 1 inch piece fresh ginger, chopped
• 2 spring onions, chopped
• 1/4 cup fresh cilantro
• 1 Tbsp. coconut aminos
• 1 egg
• 3 Tbsp. freshly ground flaxseed
• Coconut oil

Preparation

1. Throw everything except the oil into the food processor, until you get a good consistency to make the burgers.
2. Heat the oil in a large frying pan over medium-high heat.
3. You should be able to form 5-6 patties from the mixture in the food processor. Cook them for 3 to 4 minutes each side, or until browned and cooked through.
4. Serve with a salad of your choice.

I got it from www.thecandidadiet.com

The love of my husband

Dear Lord,

Please take this sickness from my wife

Each day comes with struggles and strife

She deserves so much more from this life

Dear Lord,

Please take away all her pain

Clear the storm and stop this rain

Why is this disease causing so much strain?

Dear Lord,

Please give her energy to push ahead

Give her joy when she steps out of bed

Even on days when she wish she were dead

Dear Lord,

Please help us deal with all this stress

Be our guide as we move through this mess

Heal her body is my simple request

Dear Lord,

Please give us strength as we climb up this hill

I’m not quite sure why you made my wife ill

All I know, I will continue to kneel

Dear Lord,

Please show us your will in this time of need

I hope things get better I pray and I plead

Thank you Lord as I know you’ll take heed.

Getting all up to speed

I was going to do individual post on the rest of what went bad for me in the fall and winter of 2013/2014, but I am just going to give the quick version all at once and perhaps later show videos, doctors notes and pictures. Surgery was scheduled for November, I had to go off RA meds becuase you are more prone to infection. Once I was off ALL medication I was pretty much bed ridden- I was able to get up here and there and be driven to things that were really important (ie: my daughters award assemblies) but besides that I spent most of my day times in bed. I would wobble my way into basketball games and practices I would sit in a chair most the time. My husband drove me and he also got cleared through the district to coach so when I couldn't be there he could in my place.

After running my labs for surgery I was severely anemic and not the kind where I am low in iron but the kind where you are low in blood. My surgeon ended up postponing my surgery the night before I was suppose to have it. I was devastated, I wanted it over with so I could get back on meds and have some relief. At least just pain killers but those are blood thinners so those were out of the question as well. I would have to suffer longer in physical pain head to toe. I could barely turn my head at this time, it was excruciating and unbearable pain. At this time I couldn't do much of anything not even get dressed on my own.

I tried MANY holistic things during this time which helped but not enough. I will share with you in later post which things I found to be the most helpful.

Sometime around October/November my primary care physician decided to test me for lupus as well.

In December the nurse called and told me the test had come back positive. I didn't care, my attitude was like: oh well, just one more thing, all the news I was getting during this time seemed bad. When my Rheumatologist heard about it she said: "well it maybe that your RA is so out of control that's why it showed up positive but it is unusual to have both RA and lupus so I would like to run a full lupus panel just to make sure." So at that point I had hopes that perhaps I actually did not have lupus.

Mid January I had surgery. It went well and surgery was like nothing. I was so happy to have it done with.  And the great news was I did not have lymphoma. But during those months were I was disabled ( with a handicap plaque) there were many other symptoms that I had.

I would get REALLY nauseous in the mornings. I would get dizzy and light headed and throw up. I had itchy legs. My attitude and my mental state was clear and happy, but I was physically limited beyond what I could have ever imagined for my life.

In February I began plaquenil again hoping that after being off of it for about a year possibly it could now work again.  I was also prescribed prednisone.

In March we wanted to go see where Carl's brother had just moved to in Colorado and I knew the only way I would be capable of traveling/ having my body move would be steroids. So I had prednisone injection. OMG!!! this threw me for a loop. Because my body had been clean for all those months, all the side effects came on immediately and FULL FLEDGED: I had terrible acne, I was irritable, had mouth sores, depressed, anxious, I couldn't sleep well-I had insomnia, I had rashes in miserable places-like my eyelids, I had a crazy appetite but was afraid of food harming me, so this made for more anxiety during meal times. And yes I could move but not like others can move, I could do just enough to get around but with a limp and a huge amount of pain still and exhaustion from pushing my body. If you can try to imagine just breaking your foot,hand, shoulders, hips, elbows and knees all at once and still getting out of bed each day and going about business. You do it a little slower then everyone else because of the pain but you still push and do it. Wouldn't you be pretty darn tired at the end of the day? That's what my everyday was like. While I was in Colorado my rheumatologist's nurse called me and said they had the results of the lupus panel and I do indeed have lupus. This time my reaction was a little different. I cried. I cried and cried because I taught she was going to be right. SO yes I not only have rheumatoid arthritis and hoshimoto's; but I have lupus as well. 3 different AUTO IMMUNE DISEASES. Each with its own little taste of hell.

From March - June I continued the plaquenil and took 10 mg of prednisone a day. I hate the acne and side effects but as they say, its  a trade off right?!

It's now July and I can drive myself to an appointment or tea date but I do have to start my car with my foot. I do not have enough strength in my hands. I am still suffering the horrible rashes and pain but it is mild compared to before. It's not mild to the average person, but it is to me or to anyone who suffers with severe RA. My days usually began a lot later then most people because mornings are still too hard.

Many things that were normal for life in the past are not anymore. Like doing grocery shopping unassisted, going to the mall and being able to walk around. Here's a pic of a mall trip with my sis in law- she had to push me around all day.

Can a certain diet give you straight teeth?

On my search for holistic healing. Anna from Selah wellness is one of a few naturalist I have learned from. She is a nutrionalist. When I first began going to her it was back in 2012.She was working out of Dr. Wellhausen's office in Loma Linda. Here were some of her suggestions for me at the time:

- swim in natural waters 3x's a week ( lakes, rivers and oceans)
- eat a tablespoon of cocunut oil 3x's a day
- take Hydrozyme with every meal
- Relieve Stress
- eat a healthy diet

She gave me some recipes. This is when and how I learned what things were such as: ghee and tahini (I will share more about these and more foods on future blogs.) I was given some fliers and information on Weston Price and it was very interesting. It showed photos of children who grew up on the SAD :( Standard American Diet compared to children who grew up eating of the earth: fruits, vegetable, meats, grains and dairy.  The thing that stood out the most to me was their teeth. The SAD eaters had crooked teeth. Ever since I became knowledgeable of this I began making sure my daughter ate a little more healthy and it may be coincidence or it may be diet but her gab between her two front teeth is gradually getting smaller. 
Proper Nutrition                         Sad Diet

If you look closely you may notice the 2 front teeth were growing in going seperate directions and now they seem to be growing in a more vertical straight line. You might say it because she had some more teeth come in and it pushed them closer together. We shall see. I know they have a long way to go yet. I increased her veggies and decreased her sugar. Her diet still has a way to go. Happy for the progress this far.

My oncologist visit

In the beginning of the video the doctor  is speaking of  a separate issue I haven't mention yet. Back in 2008/2009 they found a lump in my breast and I had to have it biopsied and it wasn't cancer, however it got bigger so a second biopsy was ordered. Then there were the enlarged lymph nodes in my armpits as well and this was being checked for lymphoma. He ordered a Pet CT scan and blood work that day.

The day of my PET CT scan

August 2013

In August I had a visit with my primary care physician here are some of the doctors notes from that visit:

Problem #1 LYMPHADENOPATHY, AXILLA
ASSESSMENT: NEW
ORDERS: ONCOLOGY, XRAY CHEST AP AND LATERAL 2 VIEWS, OV

Problem #2 ARTHRITIS, RHEUMATOID
ASSESSMENT: UNCHANGED 

Problem #3 ANEMIA OF CHRONIC DISEASE
ASSESSMENT: NEW

Problem #4 LEFT BREAST PAIN
ASSESSMENT: UNCHANGED 



Lymphadenopathy refers to lymph nodes which are abnormal in size, number or consistency ^[1] and is often used as a synonym for  enlarged lymph nodes. Axillary lymphadenopathy: in localized axillary lymphadenopathy, the enlargement is restricted to lymph nodes in the axillary areas (both arm pits)

I was referred to the oncologist because of the enlarged lymph nodes and other symptoms I was experiencing. I will share that visit and more of my journey in the next blog! Let me know if your reading...

My life is DIFFERENT than yours...

Living with RA has enough physical challenges as it is. But on top of that there are mental and emotional challenges too. It's like being on a roll a coaster constantly. You are looking for a cure, not knowing who you can trust. wondering if doctors just want your money or if they can actually help, what works and doesn't, not being able to rely on people you thought you could when life throws this at you and the list goes on.

I do not want to dismiss or take away from any other condition or illness but what makes this one so hard is:

-there is no cure: with this comes the desire to constantly want to prove the doctors wrong and find a way for the disease to go away, not show up in my blood work anymore and all symptoms taken away and damage renewed

-it's dabiliatating: life goes from being perfectly independent and capable to in a wheelchair and needing assistance with everything. Taking away so much of what you used to be able to do. 
-its on-going: its not like having a baby or getting the flu or having surgery. When these things happen in life usually there is an out pour of people willing to lend a helping hand. When you have a chronic illness that last FOREVER it seems like rather the opposite happens. I'm sure there are several reasons why people shy away. Here's some I can think of: 1. its not a one time job, 2. if they offer to help there is no end in sight, 3.they can't relate and don't understand, 4.they think you can do it on your own because this illness is INVISIBLE. There are many days I have lied in bed and starved until my husband got home from work.
-its invisible: the #1 thing I hear most often when people find out I am sick is " well you look great." Altough I appreciate the comment, I don't look how I feel. I just wish once in a while I could have cuts and bruises, elbows and knees that are red,swollen- as big as bowling balls because then I would look more like I feel. :/

-it changes day to day: I can have a low pain day and do a lot and the very next day I don't have enough strength to brush my teeth.

Through my experience I don't think you can meet stronger people then those who have suffered, endured, fought, prayed and been through battle after battle trying to get through life. I have gained SO much wisdom through this journey. I want to share a little of this wisdom with you now. This is stuff you heard before but please listen and try to live this way so you don't have to go through something extremely hard in life to learn such a simple lesson.

Here it is:

LIFE IS NOT ABOUT :

WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING, WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, WHAT CAR YOU DRIVE, WHAT BRAND CLOTHES YOU WEAR, WHAT SPORTS YOU PLAY OR DID PLAY, WHO YOUR FAMOUS RELATIVE IS ETC.

LIFE IS ABOUT LOVE- LEARNING TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED. THAT'S THE WAY WE WERE CREATED.

ALL THOSE THINGS LISTED ABOVE IN A SENSE FALL BACK TO WANTING TO BE LOVED AND TRYING TO FIT IN. HOLDING A STATUS.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS LOVE AND BE LOVED.