One of my favorite regimans for detoxing.

I need to begin sharing more about the things I do to help with my health.

I would like to start by saying whenever we get sick symptoms, it is our body trying to tell us something. When we get a cough, sore throat, rash, acne, dry skin, red eyes and more.  Our bodies were made incredibly and most often when they are attempting to repair and fix themselves instead of coming a long side our immune system and giving it the things it needs in order to achieve healing, we most often do the opposite.

When we take medicine, its usually used as a blocker to block us from feeling what's taking place inside or to stop the process. This results in the problem never really going away but just masking it.

I know in order for me to heal, it will be no easy task. It will take a lot of time, energy, money and the help of others and God. But I hope for one day my diseases to be gone and to go to the doctors office and everything is no longer in my blood work.

One thing I want to share with you that is extremely beneficial to me: is infrared saunas. I try to go as often as possible. If I could afford to I would go once a day. You see, with my physical limitations I cannot currently do enough physical activity to break a sweat- due to lack of strength and energy. Also, my body doesn't really like to release, it holds onto everything until it explodes. Infrared sauna helps me to sweat and when I sweat I release toxins. When we see rashes on our skin, it is our body trying to release toxins out of our skin. I currently have a rash around my eyes and on my hands. When I am going to the sauna consistently this all clears up and goes away. Not only does it help with my skin, it helps my bones feel better because it is a deep penetrating heat. I was not breaking a sweat at 135 degrees so the last time I went up to 149 degrees. It take some getting use to but now I crave it.I crave it because its a tool used to help my body do what it already is attempting to do. By sweating and releasing these toxins on a regular basis they don't build up and cause me to feel miserable dry and itchy skin. Instead I have well balanced clear skin.

The place I go charges $25 for a 30 min session. I get a deal since I go so often and I also get colonics there- but I will save that for another post.

It's my hope to just own my own sauna so I can go in it whenever I want. Hopefully, one day.

Thankful

It is Thanksgiving soon and there are so many reasons to be thankful. I am extremely thankful for the blessings in my life. I am thankful that currently medication is helping with my pain level, I have less pain then I have had in over 2/3 years. I am able to participate more in life. I feel grateful that I am able to drive in the morning now. I even took my daughter to school one morning and she has to be there at 7:30am. My body was not operating in the early hours for over a year.


I am grateful that all these medical expenses have not put us in a huge amount of debt. Last month alone I paid out of pocket $220 in co-pays and I got a bill for $184. That means in one month just to go to my doctors appointments it cost me $404. This doesn't include my cost of prescriptions, vitamins/supplements, or the many other regimens that I do in order to stay operating. To be honest I have no idea how we have kept up, but by the grace of God we have.


I am thankful for all I have learned from being sick. I don't know where this road is going to lead but I know already I have come across so much information that I have been able to share with others. There is SO much that food has to do with so many of our issues ( autoimmune, diabetes, cancer, add/adhd, and the list goes on). I've heard it a million times throughout my life but until I studied and it was broken down as to why and how; that is when it all began making perfect sense. The way our organs and immune system operates and what our food does when it goes into our body and how it is able to get into our blood stream etc. I understand now why I am so sick. This gives me hope because I have things I can do to sustain and hopefully one day thrive.


I am thankful that I am not alone. As much as I don't wish this disease on anyone. I have come across many people (mostly on instagram) that live with RA and lupus and other auto immune diseases. They fight everyday like I do to stay operating and living. I also more recently have talked a little with a guy at my church who suffers with RA. He serves every week and stands ups before and after each service. This brings me to tears when I think of it because if everyone only knew how much sacrifice that takes from a person in chronic pain, its nothing short of amazing that he chooses to do this week after week.


I am thankful for friends and family. I am thankful for the care, love, help and assistance I have received. This journey is so hard that it can't be done alone.


I am thankful for my pastor and my church. My pastor came to the hospital and prayed with Carl and I when I had surgery. He also met with us to pray over me and ask for healing. He also has been an encourager of this blog-telling me to keep writing, and I am a good writer. What?! I know I am not. ( I failed my college exit writing exam twice). I just bust out these blogs randomly with no organization. They often have many mechanical and spelling errors because to be honest I rarely proof-read them. But his encouragement made me glad.


I am thankful because of being sick I don't take life for granted as much. I treasure each moment I have with my 91 year old grandma or time with family. I smell the fresh air more and I get to enjoy the little things because I have to do things slower.


I am thankful that I have been able to work more lately and contribute financially.


I am thankful for my car, house, clothes and food. I know these are practical and its easy to want more and better. My I am thankful for the ones I have and the older I get ( and sicker) I want things more simplistic. :)

Storms in life: How I am getting through mine.

My church has been doing a series on Storms. Why does God allow bad things to happen in our lives?  This series has given me a lot of perspective. For the last 2 and half years, I have felt like I have been on my death bed. I have barely survived.

Many times when I was laying in bed unable to move and in unbearable pain I would ask God why? I would beg and plee with him to take this from my life. To take away the pain and the disability and I promise I will live life differently- never to take my health for granted again. I would ask him for a way out. I would tell God in my prayers I feel like I can't go on any longer and if He wouldn't take my pain could he possibly take my life. I prayed that if he did he would provide a wife and mom to my husband and baby girl that could love them more then me and be a wife/mom better then I could.

As scary as it is to admit this: maybe this can give you a sense of the excursating pain I have lived with day in and day out for the last few years. I love my family more then anything but it killed me to have them carry this burden and having to take care of me. I was completely at their mercy, I wouldn't have ate many days if they were not there to make and bring me food and even feed me at times.

This storm of my life is not over. I am doing much better with medication more recently. But I never know when this medication will stop working just as the last did. Our bodies build up antibodies over time and can cause the medication to become ineffective. I still live with pain like a broken foot and shoulder on a daily basis but my hands and legs are 90% more functional then they were this time last year.

So why does God send storms?  I would ponder over what I have done wrong in my life- asking forgiveness and wishing to take back anything I may have said or done that would cause this punishment on me. But as my pastor says: God allows storms to reveal the real me.

Throughout this journey: I have searched for healing in prayer, meds, holistic approaches and more. I have spent more money on myself then I ever would have healthy. Just to "try" something out-like a juicing, laser light treatments, water treatments, acupunture/acupressure, detox wraps, several diets, nutrionalist, N.A.E.T, red and white light treatments, natropath, colonics, infrared suanas, essential oils, healing rooms of claremont, healing rooms at water of life, annointing of oil by my pastor and elders, vitamins/supplements and more.

I have learned more about the real me. I don't try the first thing people suggest, I don't do things anymore because my best friend did it and loved it. I am figuring out whats right for me. What's important to me. Here's what is: my family and friends, my faith, my health. To live the life that I was destined to live not to live my own way. I want to be used and make a difference.

Before this journey I knew this in the back of my mind. But I still placed value on the things this world and society does. Not deciding these values for myself.

God sends storms to get our attention: If I didn't have this storm I wouldn't turn to God as much, I wouldn't search so much, I wouldn't pray so much. I wouldn't try and figure out WHY? I would just go through each day as I did the one before.

One thing I have wanted an answer to this whole time is WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?

But recently I read some of the book of Job in the bible and I cried my eyes out while I was reading.

Job was a good guy with good health and wealth, he lived a life that was good and pleased God. But when God and Satan were talking Satan said the only reason he is so great and loves God is because he blesses him. So in order for God to show Satan he was a good guy anyway God allowed Satan to take away all his possiessions and eventually his health as well.  When this happened Job pleaded with God. This is the part where I was crying as I read because I understand how Job felt. I have said some of the same things he said to God wanting out of this misery. But reading this allowed me to know I didn't necessarily do anything wrong. But this is still being allowed in my life.

The people who love me have suffered watching me suffer. And its all for a reason. I am still in the storm but the gushing wind, hurriance has settled a little and it is only raining now. I kept asking God how can I make a difference or live differently if I can't even live - im just stuck in my bed. Well, now I'm not stuck in bed but I am still trying to figure out my purpose. In the mean time I have felt the push to be more giving. I am in need of many things I know will help my health but they have a lot of financial cost but I am being asked to give. So I have listened in a small way. When I have been approched by homeless the last few weeks I have gave. I prayed for the man next to me at my last infusion as he was in turmoil over his last cancer news. I have always felt these inclinations but haven't really acted on them and now I am becuase I am being more of the REAL ME.

More to come on the storm next blog! :)

Let me know what you would like me to write about- meals I can eat, products I use, my diganosis, medications I take, supplements I take, what contributed to my 20 pounds weight loss, what other things I want to do in the future to better my health, the cost of trying to get healthy, the cost of being unhealthy, etc.


Here's a few fun pics from the weekend:

Blood update

The quick update: last week Thursday I went to see my hematologist. I thought that he'd be enthusiastic about my blood coming up. However his response was not what I was expecting. He said that he thought he would see much more improvement after so many infusions. So he said that I need to continue infusions. However I can go down to getting them once a week instead of every 2 days. 

Here's what it's like when I'm getting infusion.

Everyone in the room getting infusion is chronically ill there either getting chemotherapy for cancer or infused with medicine for  a chronic illness such as RA or lupus. When I was there a few weeks ago I met a lady who's a teacher. She was receiving her every three-month chemo treatment. She's a single mother with twin boys and is a teacher. Her and I know what it's like to trying go through life like everyone else well behind the scenes were constantly at the doctors office and fighting.  We're fighting in different degrees but we can definitely relate to one another. Just remember that some of the people that are the most physically weak are the most mentally and emotionally strong.

Did you know...

Did you know that vitmain B12 is one of the main vitamins that helps your body replenish blood cells. I have been chronically low in blood about 2 years now and doctors haven't really been able to figure out why. I consistently ask my modern medicine doctors about whether they think diet can help with my issues. The usual response I get is that they haven't known of any particular diet that helps with my condition(s). I think it's kinda crazy because I KNOW how much diet matters, just by the way it affects me. For me diet determines whether I am able to walk, get myself dressed, use the restroom on my own, OR not.
 What's even more crazy is that about 2 years ago I stopped eating red meat and dairy. This is about the same time I became anemic and I know its dumb of me but I never put the 2 together until now.

Dairy and beef are primary foods that provide b12. Since receiving b12 injections, reintroducing beef ( FREE RANGE ORGANIC ONLY) into my diet and getting iron infusions - my blood levels have already come up. Who would of thought?! Right?

I wish I knew, but just one more thing I've learned from suffering. So if you know anyone low in blood, b12 or anemic- Have them eat diary ( the good diary, from a good source)!!

Why did I stop eating diary?? Because for the most part diary is known as an inflammation food. Rationally thinking, with eczema and RA you want to stay away from anything that causes inflammation and that is why. 


So my follow-up is Thursday and the hemotologist will direct me as to whether I need to continue with iron infusions or not. I had blood drawn today for this.

Since I mentioned eczema...I wanted you to know I have had this the longest of any of my issues. Lately, Ive had a rash on my hands so bad it is typically red and almost raw. Every soap burns and hurts it, even ALL-NATURAL/ ORGANIC ones. Here is the ONLY soap that does not burn my skin and leaves it moisturized. Just thought I would share. I pay $18.50 and I get it from redlands wellness. I think its on amazon too. You can use it for shampoo too.

Friday Fun

PToday I had my monthly B-12 injection. Here is the nurse right before she pricks me.

One big reason I started this blog was to not only help raise awareness and perhaps help others who go through the same thing, but just to let people know whats going on in my life on a day to day basis. Often, my family and friends will say, " you don't tell me." " I need to know this." When you are at the doctors office about 20 times a month you don't really share it every time. And when you have lupus, chronic fatigue and anemia- you don't exactly have energy to call or text people to tell them. Yeah, I usually tell no one. My mom calls a lot and sometimes she said I called you for 3 days to see whats going on and you don't call me back. It's true I don't- that's one of the reasons I started this blog because I want my mom and all my family yo come to it for updates because I just don't have energy to call and update all the time. The only energy I have I use to dig myself out of this health hell and to devote to my husband and daughter.

I'm having better and better days currently with my blood levels up a bit I've been noticing I am able to do more without crashing and when the meds provide some relief it doesn't make you as sleeping either. I've been making mjs lunches every night and I made my family dinner twice.

Here was my day today:

( I had a cortizone injection yesterday- so typically I can't do this much but today I was able to)

- Went to my daughter's awards assembly

- stopped by corner bakery with my dad and chela (I didn't eat, because practically EVERYTHING on the menu has sugar in it, I almost order a plain egg but it didn't sound good)

- ran home to meet a someone to look at my house

- subbed for an hour high school

- went to reflexology ( this helps me go longer)

- went to the drive-thru car wash ( I'm not able to wash my car anymore and my hubs is too busy)

- went to get my b-12 injection

- came home to meet my friend the realtor to list my house

- typed this blog/ate prepared dinner from fit foods and now I am off to bible study.

You guys will know when I am feeling better because there will be more frequent blog post. When there's not post most likely im not doing so great. Love you and hope you have a great weekend!

-

The time...the money...the energy...

So I had yet another doctors appointment.  Today it was with my rheumatologist. It went almost 2 hours. She came in we went over my current  medication and my most recent bloodwork. 

My appointment was at 10:20am. I told you guys before that mornings are hard. I was limping into her office with a high level of pain. We discussed my current condition. And I guess you can say methotrexate is working. My inflamation  is down. But.... It's not working quite enough as walking is still a very difficult thing most days. So she wants to increase my dosage.

I've been getting iron infusions twice a week for my low blood and I have good news it's up to a 10. That is still not in the normal range. The lowest of normal is a 12. But I'm heading in the right direction without having to resort to blood transfusions thank the Lord! 

I decided to let her do Cortizone shot as well. I know steroids are not good to inject and my body. However I have lost 75% of use of my right arm and she thought this may help me get some of it back. 

She said I will be able to tell in a few days. She ordered MORE LABS 😣

I go to physical therapy once a week to try and regain motion of my right arm.

 

I want people to see just how much time, money, prayer and energy is devoted to trying to get to a place where many people are without any work. I took my helath for granted before. I pray one day I can be healthy again! ❤️ 

In Gods timing...

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

People living with autoimmune disease have to fight every day just to get out of bed. I know I've said this before but do try to imagine having the most intense workout of your life then waking up the next day. On top of your soreness and pain you have the flu so your weak, groggy; you have a headache and nausea. Then imagine you still have to do you all your regular day activities: get dressed, go to work,  get the kids to school, make breakfast etc. now imagine your flu and soreness and pain last for months or years.  You never get one day of relief. You have very little energy -wanting to use than a you do have to give to your loved ones.  However running yourself around to multiple doctors appointments takes a lot of energy away. So now your left with  guilt over not being able to go play with your daughter because you're extremely fatigued after a doctors appointment. Or you have to ask your husband to do the mom duties on top of doing the husband duties and then you have to guilt  for that. But ur body has given out- it's just not capable. It's runned down, it's sick, it tired, it's attacking itself, it's disabled. 

It's a full time job trying to stay operating. By operating I mean - having my body have the ability to move. RA causes joints to lock and stiffen to the point where they're not usable anymore. This is what's taken place in my right arm elbow. When a joint or tendion has had Inflamation for a prolonged period of time; The body does it's best attempt to repair itself. In doing so it grows a bone where there is normally tissue. As a result you get bone fusion and you're unable to move that as you were before. There is a blend of essential oils that says this can be reversed and it can dissolve the bone. I am going to give that a try and keep you guys posted.

I want to be around in the future and I don't just want to be there in a wheel chair I want to partake in life.  I want to be able to take my daughter prom dress shopping, want to plan her wedding with her,  I want to be a grandma who can help with my grand kids one day. I don't want to be taken care or assisted. 

Lupus and food

I've talked a lot about my RA on these blogs but I'm also diagnosed with systemic lupus. But unlike RA which attacks my connective tissue, muscles, bones, joints and tendons, Lupus attacks my organs. This means it attacks things in my body that are there to keep me healthy such as my kidney, my liver, brain, heart and more. 

It's super scary living with these illness and watching your health decline more and more. It's scary because I cannot live without meds but taking them makes my organs work harder and they're already in a state of weakness. They become overloaded with more toxins as I put them in my body. 

I try to compensate with my diet and supplements but this throws some  obstacles in my path. 

Obstacle #1

Having the energy to meal plan

Obstacle #2

Having energy/strength to run errands and grocery shop ( I haven't gone to the grocery store in over a year without using the driveable carts, unfortunately they don't have them at all stores or farmers markets so I run out of fuel fast)

Obstacle #3 

Prepping food ( impossible to do on my own as I have very lil function with my right side I cannot cut or chop much besides a banana or avocado) and everything needs to be fresh so it needs washing, peeling, cutting etc. this is before it's even ready to be prepared into a meal.

Obstacle #4

Finances - I need food to serve as medicine and not  poison to my body. Therefore the foods I eat can't have any preservatives, added growth hormones, antibotics, chemicals, etc. ( basically I can't get much at the local grocery store)

I need to eat primarily organic and free range/ grass fed meats and eggs. This requires getting food from several different places ( more errands 😣) and organic is costly💸. My grocery bills has almost quadrupled since changing my diet. This is just paying for food- this isn't mentioning the endless amount of other cost that have developed/ increased as a result of my condition. 

Most of these obstacles were overcome this week (minus the last) by ordering my food from fit foods. If you decide to use them PLEASE tell them I referred you and let me know because I believe it qualifies me for a discount. ( they are out of redlands) Anyway, it was $160 for lunch and dinner for 5 days prepped and ready to eat! This was a huge weight off my shoulders knowing I could eat healthy without trying to stragegize on how to get it prepped and made. But $640 a month that doesn't include bfast/ weekends or food for my hubby and daughter is a lil much for me to be able to do consistently. 

 

I hoping there's a way to continue because it honestly is my biggest challenge and has the biggest affect on my health and well being. If anyone is interested in it, it will lower my cost and If u refer someone it will lower your cost as well! :) Also there are some meal plans less than $160 per week. Fit foods redlands. Let me know! 😊

Holliejean5@msn.com

Thanks for reading 

Instagram feed

This last pic is just to hoping I can fit my wedding ring on again soon! Because of inflammation it usually doesn't fit.

New diagnosis

I will start with Saturday. Saturday my husband came home from his fantasy football draft with a little brown bag in his hand. Before I even opened it I began crying. When he was at the draft one of his friends gave it to him to give to me from his wife. She's been reading my blog and sent me a care package. I was so touched, it brought me to tears, It's so nice to feel cared for and know others are thinking and praying for you! Thank you Coral! :)

August 20th I had my rheumatologist appointment. I told her that I have been taking my methotrexate medication for about 2 months and haven't noticed any difference. I've also still been on plaquenil and prescribed prednisone of which I weened myself off because it makes me psycho. She looked over my most recent blood work and asked if I have bleeding from some where or if I have heavy periods ( um..no and..no) because I am still dropping in blood and have been chronically anemic for over a year and a half; But it continues to get worse. My hemoglobin is 8.4. She referred me to the blood specialist again and ordered a whole work-up of blood work for iron. I showed her my elbow and how the bone has now fused together with permanent damage and asked if I will ever be able to straighten my arm again. She said we can try a cortisone shot but I said let me think about it and get back to her. ( I've had cortisone and predisone injections plenty of times before. Sometimes I wish I hadn't done so much research and not know all the bad that comes with drugs/med.)

I've been juicing all week and have had NO SUGAR. I ate mainly chicken and veggies and these endurance bars I made with a friend. I still woke up everyday like it was the new worst day of my life.

On Tuesday August, 26th, I had an appointment with new primary care physician. I was very pleased with him and enjoyed his presence. He did a small physical and looked over my blood work- he said I needed to see the hemotologist right away for the anemia and also I'm deficient in b12. ( btw...I take this supplement everyday along with iron.) From his examination he said I don't have candida- which was enough to make me run home and eat a banana and throw away the last 9 days of absolutely no sugar. :(

They started now allowing patience to view an echart. Here's what's on it from those 2 visits:

Problems

Problems

Name	Type	Code	Status	Effective Date
CERVICAL LYMPHADENOPATHY	Diagnosis	127086001 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/26/2014
CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME	Diagnosis	52702003 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/26/2014
DYSPEPSIA	Diagnosis	162031009 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/26/2014
ELBOW PAIN, RIGHT	Diagnosis	74323005 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/26/2014
RAYNAUD'S SYNDROME	Diagnosis	195295006 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/26/2014
SCREENING FOR HYPERTENSION	Diagnosis	171222001 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/26/2014
SYSTEMIC LUPUS ERYTHEMATOSUS	Diagnosis	55464009 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/26/2014
VITAMIN B12 DEFICIENCY	Diagnosis	190634004 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/26/2014
ANEMIA OF CHRONIC DISEASE	Diagnosis	234347009 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/20/2013
HEALTH SCREENING	Diagnosis	79206001 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/20/2013
LYMPHADENOPATHY, AXILLA	Diagnosis	127189005 (SNOMED CT)	Active	08/20/2013

You may notice some new diagnosis. :( When I was there my nails were a little blue and I guess I showed other signs of that Raynaud's syndrome and dyspepsia. I'm not sure if these are official diagnosis because they sent me off for more labs and a stool test. I feel like I cannot catch a break. I feel like everytime I am at the doctor's its more bad news. Yet, I have to go because I need to be monitored with my conditions and medications.

You might ask why I am on the medications now. Well it got to a point where I had to, I need some relief and without it I feel like a complete burden to my family. I feel like the part in that movie LUCY where she is sitting in the chair and watching everything happen. I feel like life is happening and take place all around me and I am just present- in the chair. Watching everyone else live.

So enough with Debbie Downer. Here's the good news: that banana put me in a wonderful mood! I have had a very happy week since then and have enjoyed my family and have even noticed the medication to start kicking in! Whoo hoo! I've enjoyed getting into reading the book Coral gave me that has provided some great insight- it's called one thousand gifts. I chatted with a guy from church who suffers from RA and it helped to talk to someone who can relate to many of my thoughts and feelings. He made me realize healthy individuals are never going to get it. So I need to stop trying to make people understand, its not something anyone can comprehend unless they've been there. So I need to try less on getting others to understand and more sticking to the facts and how life has changed from when I was healthy. I'll save more of that for my future blogs! Finally, Chela made me some yummy homemade beans and salsa, which made my day and are so yummy! Also, I was able to throw my daughter a small birthday get together with her friends. I had a breakdown a few times because I wanted it to be special for her and I couldn't do everything I wanted ( bc of low energy and capabilities) but I am happy for my husband AGAIN and that with his help we pulled it off! Things I am looking forward to this week:  seeing my friend Liza and having her do my hair, detox suana, small group, Makenna's birthday and soccer game! Have a blessed week! :)


BTW... I said I walk the fence because I do between holistic medicine and modern medicine.  ahhh!

I have an addiction...

I am an addict and my drug is sugar. If you are reading this PLEASE pray for me and if you can help or encourage me in any way I could use it! Here's why:

After all the holistic regimen's I have tried these past couple of years there was really only one that made a significant difference but after a while I fell off track and I failed at it. I fail over and over again- this is why I need help. I didn't even want to acknowledge it or admit it to anyone at first because I don't want someone telling me not to eat something I shouldn't be when I'm around them.

When Dr. Steve Nelson told me I had a yeast overgrowth aka Candida, I wasn't sure if he was right. But I began asking everyone around me to see their tongue. Weird- I know. But one huge indicator that you may have yeast overgrowth is a white tongue and you suffer from fatigue and much more. When I began his diet of strictly brown rice, veggies and chicken I began feeling better. But once you feel a little better you think I can handle one small bite of this or that. In my case this leads to a binge and I'm back to square one.

As I began studying candida and it causes and effects. I started realizing just how long I have been contributing to this and ultimately the road that lead me to develop 3 auto immune disease with a great deal of suffering from physical pain.Our bodies were never made to be fueled by sugar, however that's exactly what I have always used. I remember before basketball games in high school I would crave a snickers or peanut butter and jelly sandwich. After games I would load up on more crap like pizza and Gatorade. Our bodies were made to be fueled by fat not sugar!

When I try to eliminate sugar completely, its SO HARD for me. I am not only fighting myself but I am fighting this monster inside of me that has been growing for years and destroying my gut and intestines. He has invaded my body and now food particles, toxins and bacteria get into my blood. (leaky gut)

When you begin starving the yeast that has been in complete control for years it gets angry. It gives me all sorts of problems. It's like the monster is throwing a fit and doing everything possible to try and get you to give him the sugar he wants. I break out in rashes- that are MISERABLE. It's like my skin is raw and it burns so badly to wash my hands, put lotion on, etc. I also get terrible stomach pains and digestive issues. I began having more arthritis pain- where it leaves me debilatated. I get nauseous and dizzy. This is considered the " die-off" affects. I can never get through it. ( this is why I need prayer so I can)

If I eat sugar or anything with yeast these symptoms almost immediately go away or subside. I want to be a functional wife and mom so I give into the cravings. I have never gone totally crazy. Giving in= having an apple, or dark chocolate chips with walnuts. But this leads to me wanting more and more. Even as I type this I can't get red licorice out of my mind. ( I can't even tell you the last time I had one, but yet I still crave it.)

Today, at church my pastor talked about pain and how good people suffer from pain. Just last night before bed I was telling my husband how I have felt God's hand in on almost everything in our life but I feel somewhat neglected when it comes to my illness. I have prayed and prayed for healing and God has not granted that to me. I don't know why. I lost it today I had to leave and go to the restroom because I couldn't fight back the flood of tears. There are very few people who know pain like I know pain. I wonder why I have to go through this and what breaks my heart the most is what my daughter and husband have to go through as a result. 

So I here I am again today. I am going to try again. This is day 1 again ( for the countless time). I made it through the day with no sugar. I made chicken patties that were delicious so I wanted to share the recipe.  I will post it below. But there are many days where I am too sick to prep or prepare food or even get myself to the kitchen. These days are when its so easy for me to fail. I also have thoughts like, " I am suffering so much already, it ok, it will make me feel better"--(Which it does emotionally)"It's not fair that everyone can eat what they want without hurting." "I don't want to faint or pass out and I need to just throw something in my mouth." 

See, I weigh 107 and I have anemia. So I need nutrionients/food/protein. When I attempt to starve the monster my appetite grows. The easiest way to feel better and have die-off affects subside is to eat something simple and with sugar. I need non-sugar homemade granola bars on hand, which I am going to attempt to make with a friend this week. I don't know how I am going to have the energy and strength to have on hand the prepared foods I need to eat. But that is why I am going to ask people for help and hope they can help me. I am asking you for prayers that I will have the endurance and will power to get through this and not give into the monster. 

Thank you for reading! Here's the recipe. Next time I want to add salt and jalapenos. :)

Makes 2 servings

• 1 lb. chicken breast fillets
• 1 cup zucchini, chopped
• 1 inch piece fresh ginger, chopped
• 2 spring onions, chopped
• 1/4 cup fresh cilantro
• 1 Tbsp. coconut aminos
• 1 egg
• 3 Tbsp. freshly ground flaxseed
• Coconut oil

Preparation

1. Throw everything except the oil into the food processor, until you get a good consistency to make the burgers.
2. Heat the oil in a large frying pan over medium-high heat.
3. You should be able to form 5-6 patties from the mixture in the food processor. Cook them for 3 to 4 minutes each side, or until browned and cooked through.
4. Serve with a salad of your choice.

I got it from www.thecandidadiet.com

The love of my husband

Dear Lord,

Please take this sickness from my wife

Each day comes with struggles and strife

She deserves so much more from this life

Dear Lord,

Please take away all her pain

Clear the storm and stop this rain

Why is this disease causing so much strain?

Dear Lord,

Please give her energy to push ahead

Give her joy when she steps out of bed

Even on days when she wish she were dead

Dear Lord,

Please help us deal with all this stress

Be our guide as we move through this mess

Heal her body is my simple request

Dear Lord,

Please give us strength as we climb up this hill

I’m not quite sure why you made my wife ill

All I know, I will continue to kneel

Dear Lord,

Please show us your will in this time of need

I hope things get better I pray and I plead

Thank you Lord as I know you’ll take heed.

Getting all up to speed

I was going to do individual post on the rest of what went bad for me in the fall and winter of 2013/2014, but I am just going to give the quick version all at once and perhaps later show videos, doctors notes and pictures. Surgery was scheduled for November, I had to go off RA meds becuase you are more prone to infection. Once I was off ALL medication I was pretty much bed ridden- I was able to get up here and there and be driven to things that were really important (ie: my daughters award assemblies) but besides that I spent most of my day times in bed. I would wobble my way into basketball games and practices I would sit in a chair most the time. My husband drove me and he also got cleared through the district to coach so when I couldn't be there he could in my place.

After running my labs for surgery I was severely anemic and not the kind where I am low in iron but the kind where you are low in blood. My surgeon ended up postponing my surgery the night before I was suppose to have it. I was devastated, I wanted it over with so I could get back on meds and have some relief. At least just pain killers but those are blood thinners so those were out of the question as well. I would have to suffer longer in physical pain head to toe. I could barely turn my head at this time, it was excruciating and unbearable pain. At this time I couldn't do much of anything not even get dressed on my own.

I tried MANY holistic things during this time which helped but not enough. I will share with you in later post which things I found to be the most helpful.

Sometime around October/November my primary care physician decided to test me for lupus as well.

In December the nurse called and told me the test had come back positive. I didn't care, my attitude was like: oh well, just one more thing, all the news I was getting during this time seemed bad. When my Rheumatologist heard about it she said: "well it maybe that your RA is so out of control that's why it showed up positive but it is unusual to have both RA and lupus so I would like to run a full lupus panel just to make sure." So at that point I had hopes that perhaps I actually did not have lupus.

Mid January I had surgery. It went well and surgery was like nothing. I was so happy to have it done with.  And the great news was I did not have lymphoma. But during those months were I was disabled ( with a handicap plaque) there were many other symptoms that I had.

I would get REALLY nauseous in the mornings. I would get dizzy and light headed and throw up. I had itchy legs. My attitude and my mental state was clear and happy, but I was physically limited beyond what I could have ever imagined for my life.

In February I began plaquenil again hoping that after being off of it for about a year possibly it could now work again.  I was also prescribed prednisone.

In March we wanted to go see where Carl's brother had just moved to in Colorado and I knew the only way I would be capable of traveling/ having my body move would be steroids. So I had prednisone injection. OMG!!! this threw me for a loop. Because my body had been clean for all those months, all the side effects came on immediately and FULL FLEDGED: I had terrible acne, I was irritable, had mouth sores, depressed, anxious, I couldn't sleep well-I had insomnia, I had rashes in miserable places-like my eyelids, I had a crazy appetite but was afraid of food harming me, so this made for more anxiety during meal times. And yes I could move but not like others can move, I could do just enough to get around but with a limp and a huge amount of pain still and exhaustion from pushing my body. If you can try to imagine just breaking your foot,hand, shoulders, hips, elbows and knees all at once and still getting out of bed each day and going about business. You do it a little slower then everyone else because of the pain but you still push and do it. Wouldn't you be pretty darn tired at the end of the day? That's what my everyday was like. While I was in Colorado my rheumatologist's nurse called me and said they had the results of the lupus panel and I do indeed have lupus. This time my reaction was a little different. I cried. I cried and cried because I taught she was going to be right. SO yes I not only have rheumatoid arthritis and hoshimoto's; but I have lupus as well. 3 different AUTO IMMUNE DISEASES. Each with its own little taste of hell.

From March - June I continued the plaquenil and took 10 mg of prednisone a day. I hate the acne and side effects but as they say, its  a trade off right?!

It's now July and I can drive myself to an appointment or tea date but I do have to start my car with my foot. I do not have enough strength in my hands. I am still suffering the horrible rashes and pain but it is mild compared to before. It's not mild to the average person, but it is to me or to anyone who suffers with severe RA. My days usually began a lot later then most people because mornings are still too hard.

Many things that were normal for life in the past are not anymore. Like doing grocery shopping unassisted, going to the mall and being able to walk around. Here's a pic of a mall trip with my sis in law- she had to push me around all day.

Can a certain diet give you straight teeth?

On my search for holistic healing. Anna from Selah wellness is one of a few naturalist I have learned from. She is a nutrionalist. When I first began going to her it was back in 2012.She was working out of Dr. Wellhausen's office in Loma Linda. Here were some of her suggestions for me at the time:

- swim in natural waters 3x's a week ( lakes, rivers and oceans)
- eat a tablespoon of cocunut oil 3x's a day
- take Hydrozyme with every meal
- Relieve Stress
- eat a healthy diet

She gave me some recipes. This is when and how I learned what things were such as: ghee and tahini (I will share more about these and more foods on future blogs.) I was given some fliers and information on Weston Price and it was very interesting. It showed photos of children who grew up on the SAD :( Standard American Diet compared to children who grew up eating of the earth: fruits, vegetable, meats, grains and dairy.  The thing that stood out the most to me was their teeth. The SAD eaters had crooked teeth. Ever since I became knowledgeable of this I began making sure my daughter ate a little more healthy and it may be coincidence or it may be diet but her gab between her two front teeth is gradually getting smaller. 
Proper Nutrition                         Sad Diet

If you look closely you may notice the 2 front teeth were growing in going seperate directions and now they seem to be growing in a more vertical straight line. You might say it because she had some more teeth come in and it pushed them closer together. We shall see. I know they have a long way to go yet. I increased her veggies and decreased her sugar. Her diet still has a way to go. Happy for the progress this far.

My oncologist visit

In the beginning of the video the doctor  is speaking of  a separate issue I haven't mention yet. Back in 2008/2009 they found a lump in my breast and I had to have it biopsied and it wasn't cancer, however it got bigger so a second biopsy was ordered. Then there were the enlarged lymph nodes in my armpits as well and this was being checked for lymphoma. He ordered a Pet CT scan and blood work that day.

The day of my PET CT scan

August 2013

In August I had a visit with my primary care physician here are some of the doctors notes from that visit:

Problem #1 LYMPHADENOPATHY, AXILLA
ASSESSMENT: NEW
ORDERS: ONCOLOGY, XRAY CHEST AP AND LATERAL 2 VIEWS, OV

Problem #2 ARTHRITIS, RHEUMATOID
ASSESSMENT: UNCHANGED 

Problem #3 ANEMIA OF CHRONIC DISEASE
ASSESSMENT: NEW

Problem #4 LEFT BREAST PAIN
ASSESSMENT: UNCHANGED 



Lymphadenopathy refers to lymph nodes which are abnormal in size, number or consistency ^[1] and is often used as a synonym for  enlarged lymph nodes. Axillary lymphadenopathy: in localized axillary lymphadenopathy, the enlargement is restricted to lymph nodes in the axillary areas (both arm pits)

I was referred to the oncologist because of the enlarged lymph nodes and other symptoms I was experiencing. I will share that visit and more of my journey in the next blog! Let me know if your reading...

My life is DIFFERENT than yours...

Living with RA has enough physical challenges as it is. But on top of that there are mental and emotional challenges too. It's like being on a roll a coaster constantly. You are looking for a cure, not knowing who you can trust. wondering if doctors just want your money or if they can actually help, what works and doesn't, not being able to rely on people you thought you could when life throws this at you and the list goes on.

I do not want to dismiss or take away from any other condition or illness but what makes this one so hard is:

-there is no cure: with this comes the desire to constantly want to prove the doctors wrong and find a way for the disease to go away, not show up in my blood work anymore and all symptoms taken away and damage renewed

-it's dabiliatating: life goes from being perfectly independent and capable to in a wheelchair and needing assistance with everything. Taking away so much of what you used to be able to do. 
-its on-going: its not like having a baby or getting the flu or having surgery. When these things happen in life usually there is an out pour of people willing to lend a helping hand. When you have a chronic illness that last FOREVER it seems like rather the opposite happens. I'm sure there are several reasons why people shy away. Here's some I can think of: 1. its not a one time job, 2. if they offer to help there is no end in sight, 3.they can't relate and don't understand, 4.they think you can do it on your own because this illness is INVISIBLE. There are many days I have lied in bed and starved until my husband got home from work.
-its invisible: the #1 thing I hear most often when people find out I am sick is " well you look great." Altough I appreciate the comment, I don't look how I feel. I just wish once in a while I could have cuts and bruises, elbows and knees that are red,swollen- as big as bowling balls because then I would look more like I feel. :/

-it changes day to day: I can have a low pain day and do a lot and the very next day I don't have enough strength to brush my teeth.

Through my experience I don't think you can meet stronger people then those who have suffered, endured, fought, prayed and been through battle after battle trying to get through life. I have gained SO much wisdom through this journey. I want to share a little of this wisdom with you now. This is stuff you heard before but please listen and try to live this way so you don't have to go through something extremely hard in life to learn such a simple lesson.

Here it is:

LIFE IS NOT ABOUT :

WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING, WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, WHAT CAR YOU DRIVE, WHAT BRAND CLOTHES YOU WEAR, WHAT SPORTS YOU PLAY OR DID PLAY, WHO YOUR FAMOUS RELATIVE IS ETC.

LIFE IS ABOUT LOVE- LEARNING TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED. THAT'S THE WAY WE WERE CREATED.

ALL THOSE THINGS LISTED ABOVE IN A SENSE FALL BACK TO WANTING TO BE LOVED AND TRYING TO FIT IN. HOLDING A STATUS.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS LOVE AND BE LOVED.

HARDEST TIME OF MY LIFE

From the dates of February 2013 through February 2014 was the hardest time of my life.  99% of these days I couldn't get out of bed until the afternoon. When I was able to get up by the afternoon I needed assistance with the simplest task, like getting dressed. I had to cancel jobs because I was physically not capable of doing them. I had several doctor visits throughout the next several months.
March: Dr. visit with primary in chronic pain, broken out in rash, horrible joint pain, pain in my left breast. 
April: Had a physical with my primary, he ordered lots of lab work. I had an ultrasound of my thyroid to check for abnormalities. 
May:I went to see the nutritionist of my medical group who was sure I had Celiac Disease so she ordered the lab work. Luckily this was one test that came back negative.:) Visit with the endocrinologist regarding auto immune with thyroid. ( result from blood work)
June: I was declining weight. My average weight for the previous 7 years was 127.
July:At my rheumatologist visit in July I weighed 117 and I was low in vitamin D and anemic. I had lost 10 pounds from being in chronic pain and not wanting to eat. My doctor ordered several x-rays and MORE bloodwork that day.

I reserved the little energy that I had to push myself to attend my daughters softball games throughout the summer.

I was hoping things would begin improving but there was more to come. What happened in August will be my next post...

Dr. Steve Nelson- Palm Desert

I came across Dr. Steve Nelson over the internet. I actually saw a Groupon for a body wrap and called to ask about it. When I spoke to him on the phone he was asking me about my health history. He said I needed to come see him because he could help me. I began seeing him in April 2014. At my first visit I was there from 10:30am-2pm and then came back at 3pm-6pm. He did a zyto scan on me but it told him different things then my food stressors. He also did muscle testing to see what I had in my body and also what supplements my body was asking for which wasn't much.

I had BLT light treatments in my ears. I did an ion foot bath, and I brought 3 gallons of water to treat so I would have it to drink until my next visit. Here's the supplements he put me on in hopes of ridding my body of yeast:






My diet was strictly brown rice, veggies, chicken and turkey. NO SUGAR except for half a green apple twice a week. Here was my tongue compared to Carl's on day 1.

Here is my tongue today:

Ion foot baths

This is another detox regiman I do on occasion. It removes toxins from your body and according to the color and substance of the water your able to tell what it's cleaning. My water has never been darker then light yellow but once it had red flakes which can mean you have blood clots and another time it had small black flakes which can means its cleaning heavy metals. Here's some pics 

When there's inflammation in your body it's important to detox and try and get your body to alkaline state or completing balanced. These ion foot baths can cost anywhere from $15-$60 per treatment.