Sick and tired of being sick and tired

People living with autoimmune disease have to fight every day just to get out of bed. I know I've said this before but do try to imagine having the most intense workout of your life then waking up the next day. On top of your soreness and pain you have the flu so your weak, groggy; you have a headache and nausea. Then imagine you still have to do you all your regular day activities: get dressed, go to work,  get the kids to school, make breakfast etc. now imagine your flu and soreness and pain last for months or years.  You never get one day of relief. You have very little energy -wanting to use than a you do have to give to your loved ones.  However running yourself around to multiple doctors appointments takes a lot of energy away. So now your left with  guilt over not being able to go play with your daughter because you're extremely fatigued after a doctors appointment. Or you have to ask your husband to do the mom duties on top of doing the husband duties and then you have to guilt  for that. But ur body has given out- it's just not capable. It's runned down, it's sick, it tired, it's attacking itself, it's disabled. 

It's a full time job trying to stay operating. By operating I mean - having my body have the ability to move. RA causes joints to lock and stiffen to the point where they're not usable anymore. This is what's taken place in my right arm elbow. When a joint or tendion has had Inflamation for a prolonged period of time; The body does it's best attempt to repair itself. In doing so it grows a bone where there is normally tissue. As a result you get bone fusion and you're unable to move that as you were before. There is a blend of essential oils that says this can be reversed and it can dissolve the bone. I am going to give that a try and keep you guys posted.

I want to be around in the future and I don't just want to be there in a wheel chair I want to partake in life.  I want to be able to take my daughter prom dress shopping, want to plan her wedding with her,  I want to be a grandma who can help with my grand kids one day. I don't want to be taken care or assisted.